Expand Your Fempire Podcast #103 Transcript

                             Resilience for Women in Business:                            How to Bounce Back from Setback

Welcome to Expand your Fempire with Caterina Rando, the podcast for women in business on a mission. Sharing ideas to support you to grow and thrive. Now here’s your host, Caterina Rando.

[00:00:00] Caterina Rando: Welcome back to another episode of the Expand Your Fempire Podcast. I’m your host Caterina Rando, and I am blissing to be with you today. I’m coming to you from North Carolina; usually I record in San Francisco. The reason I’m mentioning my location today is because one of the things that I think is really important for us during this pandemic lifestyle period is to get away and change your environment on a really consistent basis. I’m sharing this with you because our hot topic today is resilience, how to bounce back from setback.

[00:01:13] The truth is that the last couple of years living in our pandemic lifestyle, there have been a lot of big and small setbacks. You may have experienced micro traumas, like spending too much time alone. I’m not sure if that’s a micro trauma or a regular trauma.

[00:01:35] Or you may have experienced big trauma, like loss of people you love or big life transitions. My mom, who’s fabulous, she’s 90, and she usually is very uplifting all the time. I think the pandemic has been extra challenging for her and you know what? It’s probably been extra challenging for many of us. I know it’s been extra challenging for me, and that’s why I wanna talk to you today about resilience.

[00:02:10] Because it’s time for us to bounce back from whatever setbacks we’ve encountered during this pandemic period. And for you, maybe that’s set back in your business, set back with sales, set back with group gatherings, set back with live and in person networking, set back with vendors you may have used before are not around anymore, or places you may have gone before are not around anymore.

[00:02:44] A lot has changed. Well guess what? We are where we are. As you know, I want you to thrive everywhere in your business and your life. Let’s take a look in our time together today on how we can have you be more resilient, more blissing in your business, and more setting up yourself today for future setbacks that may occur, big setbacks or little setbacks.

[00:03:16] This is on my mind partially because on the airplane coming out here, my flight was delayed three hours, which for me was totally fine. I simply went back to sleep for another 90 minutes and then got myself to the airport. Now I knew that meant I would get in way too late after midnight. You know what though?

[00:03:41] Here’s the thing: we’re always at choice in our life. Meaning I could have chosen to not come on my trip. I chose to come on my trip. What does that mean? That means I am gonna have some things that are not expected come up. I’m gonna talk to people I don’t know. I’m gonna have hopefully good encounters, maybe not so good encounters. But you know what? We’re always at choice.

[00:04:08] For example, got on a plane, lady next to me, major “faccia lunga.” For those of you that don’t speak Italian that’s “long face”, which is another way of saying negativo, Clearly attached to not having a good day. And hey, you know what? I was on the other hand attached to having a great day. Whatever complaint she had, I let it go by me. She’s recounting to me her delays and her travel challenges. And what do I say? I say “Hey, you’re here now. Kick back. Let’s relax. Let’s enjoy the flight.” I think that was the last thing she said to me, because again, I was attached to having a good disposition and she was attached to being in her negative place. We’re always at choice.

[00:05:02] What choice do you make?

[00:05:05] Give you a simple example. Let’s say I’m going to dinner with my girlfriend. She wants to go to Italian food and she’s very enthusiastic about going to Italian food. Well, you know what? I’ve lived in Italy. I’m Italian American. I’ve had more than my lifetime supply of pasta. I think to myself “don’t really need another Italian meal.” I was really hoping for some Thai food, been thinking about Thai food all day. In my head though I say to myself ” well, she’s very excited about going to Italian. We’ll go to Italian.” When I’m at the Italian restaurant and I’m deciding between the pasta bolognese or the pasta arrabiata, which is my favorite plate of Italian pasta, or the lasagna, or whatever Italian specialty is being offered… am I still thinking about my pad Thai that I’m not eating?

[00:06:00] Well if I’m at the Italian restaurant, I wanna choose to be at the Italian restaurant, not just physically in my body sitting there, with the checkered tablecloth in front of me. I also want to be there consciously choosing to enjoy my Italian pasta and meal with my girlfriend.

[00:06:23] We are at choice. And part of our choice is to choose to be where we are and to choose the decisions that we’ve made. This is really important. I’m giving you this simple example.

[00:06:37] I often see clients that are not choosing the decisions that they’ve made. They’re constantly questioning the decisions they’ve made. Make a decision, stick with that decision, see it through for whatever period of time, for the workshop, for the program, for the speech, for the new person on your team. Give them a little time to get acclimated before you question that decision.

[00:07:07] For example, if you’re saying “I’m not sure about this new VA, I’m not sure if I made the right choice hiring her.” Well, rather than asking yourself was it the right choice to hire her, ask yourself “how can you make the choice right?” How can you identify where she needs a upgrade and help her? How can you communicate better with her? You can go and ask her how she feels she’s doing and what help she needs.

[00:07:37] We are at choice. And the first choice I wanna encourage you to make is to choose what you’ve already decided, and look at how you can make it right. And part of during this pandemic lifestyle period, you may have chosen to spend more time at home. You may have chosen to pull back with certain activities in your business. Okay. That was your choice. Make that choice right, and now today you can make a different choice.

[00:08:07] Remember that you always have the power of choice. If there’s a client that is stressing you, don’t say to yourself ” should I be working with this client?” Say to yourself “how can I make this relationship better?” Ask yourself better questions. Or, you could choose not to work with this client. The thing is though that you wanna remember that a complaint is an unstated request, and maybe there’s something you simply need to ask for to make this relationship right.

[00:08:44] Remember, today we’re focusing on resilience, and part of that is for you to have more harmony everywhere in your business and your life so that you don’t have as many setbacks to bounce back from.

[00:08:59] Next thing I wanna look at with you, this will support your resilience: do you have a compelling vision in your life? A compelling vision, we’ve done a whole podcast on this, a compelling vision is an image, an idea, a picture in your head that you could actually take a picture of when you achieve this vision, an image so compelling that it inspires you and calls you forward and gets you in action every day.

[00:09:36] For a long time, my compelling vision was to have my center in San Francisco that drove me to stay focused and stay in action so that I could open my center. Bing, Bing, Bing. Got the center. What’s next?

[00:09:53] As long as you’re above ground, you’re gonna want a compelling vision to inspire you. These days my compelling vision is that I want to see 300 women on a cruise ship at a conference to bliss more in their business. I don’t have a plan yet. I don’t have a date. It’s simply in my head.

[00:10:17] I have another compelling vision to do a retreat in Italy and see 12 women sitting around an outdoor dining table in Tuscany, with the rolling vineyards in the background and smiles on their faces. Right now, it’s simply a vision, not a goal yet. The thing is though that visions become goals. They become goals that inspire us to stay in action because you know what? My favorite quote of all time from American folk singer Joan Baez: “action is the antidote to despair.” Remember that when you’re wanting to bounce back from setback.

[00:11:03] Few years ago, I had a client, midlife to older midlife client, who was not blissing in her business. And I said to her one day “my friend, what is it you want your life to look like? I know you love your work, but it’s not blissing you these days.” And she said “you know, Caterina, what I really want is I wanna move north. I wanna live in a beautiful small town with my wonderful husband. I wanna have a view of the ocean. I wanna have a slower pace of life. I wanna spend more time in my garden. That would make me so happy. And of course I wanna still do my business, just not to the extent I’m doing it these days.”

[00:11:48] She put together her compelling vision. Now at the time she was living in California, working, working, working. The thing is though, every time we got together, she would talk about this vision. And it took her a few years as big visions often do. Well, you know what? Today she’s blissing in her location by the sea, with her husband, in her garden, enjoying her good life. She’s happy. She’s still doing business. The thing is though that she believed in herself, she believed in her vision. And she let it inspire her to take action, to create the life that she wanted, that she’s living today.

[00:12:34] What’s your compelling vision? And here’s the other thing. We can have a few compelling visions based on different areas of our life. What’s your health compelling vision? What’s your relationship compelling vision? What’s your adventure compelling vision?

[00:12:51] You know I wanna share with you that I don’t like this idea of a bucket list, because the idea is here’s all these things I’m gonna do before I die. Well you know what? I like to call it an adventure list. What are adventures you want to experience in your life? And that might be an adventure that you do super soon or down the road. I’d like to see the aurora borealis. I’d like to ride on the Orient Express. I’d like to hear the bagpipes played in Scotland. These are a few things on my adventure list. What’s on your adventure list?

[00:13:33] Now here’s the part that I really want you to think about. Can you have your business deliver you some adventures? One of the biggest adventures my business ever gave me was just over 25 years ago, when I spoke in Venice, Italy at a conference of women from 82 countries. I brought my dad with me, I’ve talked about that on this podcast. I will remember that trip forever. It was one of the highlights of my life. My business delivered that to me.

[00:14:09] My business had me speak in Acapulco. My business had me speak in New Zealand and meet amazing people from that beautiful country. My business had me present at an international conference in Holland. There are so many adventures that your business can give you.

[00:14:31] You know that I lead retreats. Please join us on one of our amazing retreats. These are all adventures that my business has brought me. What adventure do you want your business to bring you? Because the more you can add a little adventure to your business, the more you will be blissing in your business, and that of course is what I want for you.

[00:14:55] Yesterday, I had a great adventure. Not sure if I mentioned to you before that my friend Gail Scott, who has been on this podcast, we met on Clubhouse. We had never met in person. We met during the pandemic. Well, yesterday she picked me up at my hotel. We went for the longest, most wonderful brunch at a beautiful hotel with the Blue Ridge Mountains as our view, it was such a special day. Why? Not because of the mountains, not because of the brunch, because of the friendship we’d formed that we never had had the privilege to be enjoying in the same room.

[00:15:42] Your business can be a catalyst for so many adventures for you. And you say “well, okay, Caterina, well what does this have to do with resilience?” Because when you’re blissing in your business and your life, that is lifting you up, that is supporting you to bounce back from setback. And that my friend is what I want for you.

[00:16:07] We’ve talked about the power of choice. We’ve talked about embracing positivity. We’ve talked about your compelling vision. Let’s add on there your adventure list. Put together your adventure list, and then look at your adventure list and see “Hmm, what adventures can my business maybe bring for me?”

[00:16:31] There’s a place in Arkansas, Bentonville, Arkansas. I have never been there. The Walmart family is very active there. One of the Walmart family women has been a big patron of the arts there, and there’s this whole museum complex that’s free that you can spend days in. There’s inside art, there’s outdoor art, which I love outdoor art, and I wanna go there. Well, you know what? I gotta find a group in Arkansas to go talk to, and then my business can bring me on this adventure.

[00:17:10] What adventure can your business bring you? Take a moment, reflect, my friend. And if you don’t have an immediate answer, this is something that you can continue to ask yourself every day. What adventure can my business deliver for me?

[00:17:29] Bing, Bing, Bing. So much more for us to discuss, to support you to bounce back from setback.

[00:17:37] Here’s my next super tip. Be willing to be uncomfortable. Now you might say “well, Caterina shouldn’t I be seeking comfort rather than the lack of comfort?”

[00:17:47] I wanna give you exactly an example of what I’m talking about. The other day I’m teaching my Thrive at Sales class. This is my nine week accelerator to grow your sales. I can see everyone, of course, on the Zoom screen. There’s 12-ish ladies on Zoom. And this one lady is standing out significantly on this particular day. She is smiling big. Her posture seems more elevated than usual, and she really is lighting up the whole zoom room. Now what I do when I do my class is everybody shares a win and does a check in that’s how we start every single session, because of course, one of my objectives is to have everybody get inspired and be seen and leave more uplifted than when they showed up, not just to learn some stuff.

[00:18:44] I call on her. I say “Hey, give us a win, give us a check in.” She shares that the day before she had done her first workshop. This is a woman who has been so anti speaking, so resistant to speaking, there was several ladies at her workshop. She did not yet convert any to a client for sales. The thing is though she did what she was very uncomfortable doing. And what happened as a result? It significantly uplifted her, her energy. She saw she lived through it. She saw she could do it. And as a result of her willingness to be uncomfortable, she is completely rejuvenated. And that is what we want when we want to bounce back from setback. We want to become rejuvenated again.

[00:19:46] I wanna ask you, where would it serve you to be willing, to be uncomfortable? That might be you doing more speaking. That might be you hosting your own Zoom workshop. That might be you looking at bigger stages to speak on. That might be you hosting your first or second or next or new group program, or of course your first retreat.

[00:20:11] You know I love retreats. What would rejuvenate you to do because it would require you being willing to be uncomfortable? And here’s the thing: we could have a whole discussion on brain science, which would explain the hormones that are released when you do something that makes you uncomfortable and the blissing on the other side. It is physiologically uplifting when you are willing to be uncomfortable.

[00:20:43] Okay, my friend, figure out the thing that would be that thing that would rejuvenate you when you do it. And now what’s the next step? Bing, Bing, go do it.

[00:20:55] If you’re a high achieving woman — by the way, we never say overachiever, we only say high achiever, and I would imagine if you’re here with me right now that you are a high achieving woman– one of the challenges of being a high achieving woman is that when you set a goal and you achieve a goal, it is standard operating procedure for you to take a moment, take a deep breath, acknowledge yourself hopefully, and then be on to the next goal.

[00:21:30] One of the things I’m hoping that you’re doing is taking time to celebrate your wins, to evaluate when you accomplish a goal. The thing about high achieving women is that we’re very goal focused until we’re onto the next goal. And we don’t even remember the myriad of accomplishments that you’ve already had.

[00:21:53] Now, why are we talking about this here? Caterina I thought we’re talking about resilience. We’re talking about it here because one of the things that will support you to bounce back from setback is to remind yourself of all the times that you have bounced back in the past and gone on to accomplish a goal. By this point in my life, having had many, many, many clients over the years, I have unfortunately had some clients that have gone through cancer.

[00:22:27] Well, the fortunate part though, is I’ve seen how they’ve gone through cancer, cancer treatments, whatever their treatment plan was, and then come back and have a even more thriving business. And usually be even more self-assured because they met cancer, they battled cancer, they beat cancer. Bing, Bing, they’re moving on.

[00:22:54] What setbacks have you had in the past that you’ve bounced back from to accomplish something more? I wanna pause here with you because you probably have done this many times. And I don’t want you to forget it because sometimes we forget that this situation that we’re in right now that is not working for us, that we’re not blissing in, is temporary.

[00:23:17] And that could be everything from a divorce, which you know I’ve been through, to financial disaster, which you know I’ve been through, and on the other side, come out blissing, blissing, blissing. That’s what I want for you.

[00:23:34] I’ve seen this with clients. Another client, recently her and her husband split, and she didn’t expect her marriage to end. Well guess what? She of course went through the grief period. She went through the “oh, sorry for me” period. And then she started the rebuilding period. And then she started the “what do I want the next chapter of my life to look like?” period. And now she’s living the life of her dreams. Why? Because she’s a high achieving woman, just like you. And she can absolutely bounce back from setback.

[00:24:08] And one of the things that’s gonna support you to do that is to build on past successes.

[00:24:16] Another thing as you think about what’s next and you wonder –I don’t know why we even wonder, but we do– “hey, could I make that happen?” Well, what have you made happen already? And to remind yourself of that.

[00:24:30] You are a strong and powerful woman with massive value to bring. There is a lifetime supply of people to serve. Whatever challenge you’re facing, guess what? You can figure out a solution.

[00:24:41] The next strategy I wanna talk to you about right now is gonna really help you do that, and this is gonna be our final one.

[00:24:47] I really want you to cultivate on a consistent basis more support and more community in your personal and your business life. Because somewhere along the way as women, we got this idea that we’re supposed to do it by ourself. And you know what my friend? It’s a lot more fun and a lot more awesome and a lot more effective to do it with like-minded like-hearted women or people on a mission, just like you.

[00:25:21] Couple weeks ago, we did something we do all the time. We had a sales blitz. Three times a month, I host sales blitzes for my clients in my community. A sales blitz is an opportunity to come and be in a zoom room and share what you wanna do in terms of getting booked for speaking or getting some sales, and we share what we’re gonna do, and we leave the Zoom screen on, we mute ourselves, and we do it together. Well, a couple weeks ago, one of my VIP clients, Heather Zeitzwolfe, who has also been a guest on this podcast, who is a super fun, super smart, and super creative gal, she comes to the blitz and now I have my clients host the blitzes and sometimes I’m there if I’m not travelling.

[00:26:11] And she was the leader of this blitz and we decided, or not me, she decided, that it was gonna be a bling and blitz, and all the ladies showed up to blitz in their bling. She had a big silver sequin hat. I wore my fancy bling glasses. It was so much fun. You know what all that did? It energized the blitz and everybody was in massive action with their bling on blitzing in the zoom room. I share this with you because even those things that you think you’re supposed to do by yourself, like pick up the phone and call people, you can even do that in community. You can write in community. There’s all kinds of things you can do on your own, together in the zoom room. This is one way to bring more community in your life.

[00:27:14] Start your own community, which could be a group of gals getting together for something. But please do not do all of this on your own.

[00:27:24] And when we get together, you know what happens? We make friends, we share resources. We are heard, we are seen, we are uplifted, we are encouraged, we get to encourage others. All of this supports you in being revitalized and rejuvenated. And that related to our hot topic today will support you to bounce back from setback.

[00:27:50] My friend. Here’s what I want you to get. There are gonna be ups and downs in your business, in your life. You know what, if there’s no ups and downs, you probably haven’t got nothing going on. The fact that you don’t sometimes get your goal, that’s okay!

[00:28:06] In fact, I was talking with this the other day in one of our sales classes. One of the gals admitted that she doesn’t set sales goals because she doesn’t wanna not get her goal.

[00:28:16] Well the challenge is if you don’t have a goal, you can’t make a plan. If you don’t have a plan, then everybody else’s plan is gonna interfere with your life. And you’re not gonna get where you wanna go.

[00:28:26] And I wanna be clear, I set sales goals all the time I don’t get. I go for the goal and I give myself a break if I don’t get there, because it’s always an ambitious goal. That’s how I like to roll.

[00:28:41] Now, in order to set ambitious goals, you gotta be compassionate with yourself. And this is a very important part of resilience, because as we discussed, some days it’s working and some days everything’s going your way, and some days every little thing that could go wrong seems to go wrong. Well, that’s life.

[00:29:05] What you’re in control of is your reaction to life, your reaction to setbacks. And the more you can bliss through them, the more you’re gonna be willing to be uncomfortable, the more you’re gonna be willing to be a yes for new experiences, new adventures, and new responsibilities, because having a thriving business means that you are having responsibilities.

[00:29:30] Building your Fempire means you are having responsibilities. But you know what? You’re super smart. You can figure out whatever you need to figure out.

[00:29:39] My friend, we got so much more to talk about. Join me for another episode of the Expand Your Fempire Podcast. If you have not listened to the over a hundred episodes that we’ve done, go and listen, because my mission is always every time I do one of these episodes to give you massive value, to have it be thought provoking, to have it be uplifting and to be a contribution to you on your journey.

[00:30:07] I also wanna invite you to become a part of our Thriving Women In Business Community, where you will be with other amazing women you can get to know, connect, collaborate with, and together we uplift each other.

[00:30:25] Also, have you joined me lately for one of my free workshops? Always info-packed, we talk about speaking, we talk about sales, we talk about retreats. Sometimes we talk about other things. I got a lifetime supply of things to talk to you about to support you to thrive.

[00:30:44] And again my friend, remember you got massive value to bring. You are super smart. You can soar through any challenges. And if you’re not soaring, guess what? You absolutely can bounce back from any setback because you are an amazing thriving woman on a mission. Can’t wait to be with you next time. Bing, Bing, Bing.

We hope you enjoyed this episode of Expand Your Fempire with Caterina Rando.