Expand Your Fempire Podcast #119 Transcript

Get Unstuck and Out of Your Own Way with Candy Motzek

Welcome to Expand your Fempire with Caterina Rando, the podcast for women in business on a mission. Sharing ideas to support you to grow and thrive. Now here’s your host, Caterina Rando.

[00:00:00] Caterina Rando: Welcome back to another episode of the Expand Your Fempire Podcast. I am blissing to be with you today because I have a very special guest, Candy Motzek and we are gonna have a discussion that you are gonna wanna hear about what we do to hold ourselves back in our business. Candy. I am so happy to have you with us today.

[00:00:51] Candy Motzek: Thank you so much, Catarina, for inviting me to be on your podcast.

[00:00:55] Caterina Rando: Thank you. Well, Candy, I wanna talk with you today about some of the things you’ve identified that really hold back coaches and entrepreneurs.

[00:01:04] You help people start their coaching businesses. What I wanna ask though is before we dive into that, tell us about your entrepreneurial journey. How’d you go from amazing young gal to thriving entrepreneur?

[00:01:19] Candy Motzek: Oh, so such a great question. Um, the Kohl’s notes version is that I used to be a successful executive.

[00:01:28] I was one of those climb the corporate ladder kind of people, engineer in corporate real estate management, doing all the things, and I had all the toys and the houses and the cabins and the fancy trips. And I would wake up in the middle of the night and go like, is this really all there is? I feel so empty.

[00:01:51] And so that was the beginning of my journey. And then the other question that kind of layered on there is, what do I wanna be when I grow up?

[00:02:00] And so time passed. Lots of things happened. I went through a major burnout and when I returned from burnout, I did an amazing trip down to Antarctica, and as I was standing out on the deck of the ship watching the icebergs and that last frontier, I knew it was time for a change.

[00:02:20] When I came back, within two weeks, I was registered in my coach training and that was it. Like that was the, it was just time for a change. It had to happen and it was gonna happen now.

[00:02:31] Caterina Rando: Well, I love that you shared that about being on the deck of the ship. Candy, we’re, we’re new friends, so you may not know that I love cruising.

[00:02:40] I’m a big cruiser. I lead retreats on cruise ships for women. And part of the reason for that is the importance of getting away. Getting out of your environment makes a huge difference when we are having time for reflection in our life.

[00:02:57] Okay, so you came home, you enrolled in your coaching. Now how many years ago was that and I’m gonna ask this question. What did you learn about yourself in the process?

[00:03:08] Candy Motzek: Oh, okay. So that was 2015. And what I learned about myself in the process is that I’m very impatient and I thought, that I thought that it was gonna be easier than it was. And I thought that I should get there faster. And what I found was, the more impatient I was, the more hurdles I put in my own way, the more complicated I made my past, and now I have this thing about it can be simple and effective. It doesn’t mean simple and easy or not synonyms. You know, they don’t mean the same thing. It can be simple. But not easy. And that, that helped me get down my path the best.

[00:03:57] And I still struggle with the impatience thing. It’s like, that’s okay. Let’s go. Come on, let’s make this happen.

[00:04:05] Caterina Rando: Well, you know, I, I gotta tell you, Candy, I like to say that impatience is a virtue when you’re an entrepreneur. You know, because I feel like some ladies – they’re taking way too much time.

[00:04:18] You know, they’re getting ready to get ready, begin to think about getting going, and, and so I guess we have to find that balance between being patient and being impatient. Yeah. What do you think?

[00:04:31] Candy Motzek: Totally. And each person’s balance is the same, right. Do you edge to the impatient or to the more patient?

[00:04:39] Caterina Rando: Oh, my friend. I am a woman of action. Okay. I do not, I do not value patience. I do not value patience because I feel also. Oh my gosh. This is my feminist soapbox now that women are acculturated. We are acculturated to “be patient sweetheart. Wait your turn. Your time will come.”

[00:05:05] Oh my gosh. It makes me sick even just saying it because that’s what women were supposed to do. And even though we’re living in the modern world, and I like to think that we’re empowered and liberated and that I am, we still have all of that stuff from all the generations before, which is why I like to say that, patience is not a virtue when you have your own business.

[00:05:34] Candy Motzek: Right on. I love that. And I just have to echo that about the generational leaning towards patience and how we’ve been, indoctrinated and taught about a certain way to be, that doesn’t necessarily serve us.

[00:05:53] And what I love is that as like as female women identifying entrepreneurs, we can say that stops with me now.

[00:06:03] Yep.

[00:06:03] This is not gonna go into the next generation. This stops with me now and we get to do our own work and know that forevermore, we’re making life better for our daughters, our sons, our nieces, our nephews, and everybody that comes after us. So I a hundred percent agree.

[00:06:20] Caterina Rando: Yay, bing, bing. And you know, I think that’s part of our job, Candy, as a coach, is to call out those ideas that people just go along with. Because it’s part of the culture or its part of their upbringing, or it’s part of what they’ve been taught.

[00:06:37] And you know, the other thing I like to say is wear your heart all over your business and you come from a corporate background and a lot of people that come from a corporate background are indoctrinated to not bring their feelings and their heart to work. So that’s another one. What are your thoughts about that?

[00:06:56] Candy Motzek: Oh, that is just, yeah, so corporate people love to talk in that passive voice, you know that very well. It’s really not appropriate for the people in this particular role to go and do X, Y, Z. They don’t wanna be too human, and I think they use it as a protection.

[00:07:15] Originally, it starts because people think it makes them sound more important, but all it does is it puts a barrier between you and your team, a barrier between you and your client, and ultimately a barrier between you and yourself, right? Like if you can’t just say the thing, what are you gonna do? And, and so agreed, like that’s one of the deals about coaching, right?

[00:07:38] Is we call it out and we encourage our clients to see a slightly different perspective, right? Like you only need one thought, one perspective shift, one really amazing question to transform somebody’s life.

[00:07:54] Caterina Rando: Absolutely. Absolutely. Now, now Candy, I know that you teach and speak on several different things. One of the things that we wanted to talk about today that I’m very excited to talk to you about are those five things that you feel really hold back coaches and entrepreneurs.

[00:08:16] And you know, I know that it might be more when they’re just getting their party started, but I think if they don’t identify them along the way, they just hang out. So let’s talk about those five things because they sounded good to me and I want everybody to know about it.

[00:08:32] Candy Motzek: Okay, thanks. So five things. I’ll just list them to begin with and then we’ll just talk about it, right? And and see what, what happens.

[00:08:40] The first is that we misunderstand fear and what fear is and how we manage it, and how we interpret it, and how we can use it in our life.

[00:08:48] The second is the lone wolf DIY, and my guess is that most of the people listening to this podcast are people who are used to being very independent and figuring it out on their own.

[00:09:01] The third is that we forget. We forget how amazing we are. We forget that we’ve got an entire life of experience and skills and unique gifts and abilities.

[00:09:13] The fourth is the rabbit hole. We fall down that rabbit hole of shiny object syndrome instead of focusing on money-making activities and building our business and growing our connections with people.

[00:09:26] And then finally not working with your own coach. You know that saying, Working with a coach is because when you’re living inside the jar of your own brain, you can’t read the label. And that’s the value of working with a coach. And that’s how we get moving faster. So which one do you wanna talk about first?

[00:09:45] Caterina Rando: I never heard that before about, oh, how about you?

[00:09:47] I love that. The brain and the jar and the label. I like that. That’s good. That’s good. Well, let’s start with number one. Okay? And, um, that was the fear one, right? Okay. Let’s talk about it because, you know, I think sometimes entrepreneurs don’t even realize that it’s fear that is, you know, why am I, why am I not doing this?

[00:10:09] Why am I not doing that? It’s fear, but they may not be recognizing it as fear because they have so much else going on. Let’s talk about that.

[00:10:18] Candy Motzek: Okay, so you and I could have an entire conversation about fear. We see this a ll the time. I see it with my clients. I see it when I look in the mirror at myself too, right?

[00:10:29] Like, I’m not immune to this by any mean. So the first thing that I think about fear is that we think that fear is a problem. So oftentimes people will try to eliminate fear, eradicate fear, stomp on fear, but really for me, fear is a warning sign that I’m going outside of my comfort zone.

[00:10:48] So fear is necessary. It is not the enemy. It is the necessary companion to creating what we want. We need to stretch our comfort zone to grow and to build our business.

[00:11:02] Caterina Rando: You know, one of the things that I do, Candy, is I teach sales for entrepreneurs and I teach sales for entrepreneurs because if you can’t sell, you can’t serve.

[00:11:13] And I think a lot of people, From the past, again, you know, the culture teaches sales as very adversarial and use scripts and, and I think for especially women, that doesn’t work because we like to be more authentic. And the thing is that no coaches really start their business saying, “Hey, I wanna be a salesperson,” right?

[00:11:34] They start their business saying that, “Hey, I wanna coach,” right? Like you said, “Hey, I wanna coach.” But you know, we have to build some skills along the way. Again, if you can’t sell, how you gonna get some clients? And so that fear gets in the way in all kinds of things.

[00:11:52] Public speaking, you know, I love public speaking. It gets in the way of that, gets in the way of doing your videos. I mean, it can get in the way so many places. That is important as you’re saying to cultivate a relationship with your fear so that your fear will be a companion because then once you do these things, the fear starts to dissipate.

[00:12:17] Candy Motzek: Yeah. Yeah. And you said something earlier here about that people experience fear in all stages of their business, but that they don’t quite acknowledge it.  And I think that what happens is we don’t like to use that word fear, but you’ll hear the words of, I’m worried or I’m a little on edge, or even I feel a little frustrated. Like frustrated can be a version of fear as well.

[00:12:46] Impatient. I talked about impatient earlier. Impatient is for me another version of fear too. Like I can’t be where I’m at. I need to be somewhere else, you know? So just notice fear has many different words that we might use, but at the core it might be a big fear or a little fear, but it’s still all fear.

[00:13:08] And so it’s like one of, it’s one of those things that’s always gonna be with us no matter how old we are, no matter whatever we’re trying to get accomplished, but, but does it help your clients and the people in your circle, does it help them to call it something else? Does it take some of that punch away from it? What do you find?

[00:13:30] Caterina Rando: Well, I hear what you’re saying a lot. You know, “I’m feeling uneasy. Um, I’m, I’m concerned.” and it’s definitely fear. And I think that naming it fear can be helpful for some people. For some people, it’s probably gonna scare them more. And I will say, Candy, one of the things that I believe is that action is the antidote.

[00:13:54]  And that when people are having fear, they’re often paralyzed at the same time. And so it’s important to support them as their coach or consultant to help them identify what are some steps that they’re willing to take that they can take to get started. And again, that will start to dissipate the fear.

[00:14:16] Candy Motzek: Yeah, I wholeheartedly agree with that, Caterina. And I would say yes and yes, action and compassion.

[00:14:25] Caterina Rando: Great Self-compassion. Yeah, compassion for ourselves. This is another area, you know, I don’t think this is on your list. My friend let’s name it. Which is that we get down on ourselves and, you know, we talked about patience.

[00:14:40] The other thing that we wanna get rid of is perfection, and that when we are not perfect, or whatever the ideal idea of whatever it is, is then we can feel paralyzed because we don’t feel like we can do it right. That’s fear.

[00:15:02] Oh yeah.

[00:15:02] And again, some of that comes from our acculturation as well, right? Like it’s not okay to make a mistake.

[00:15:09] I mean, you know, if we never take action, we don’t risk anything, but we also don’t get off our fanny. You know, I grew up in Catholic schools and there was a lot of shaming when you didn’t do something right or behave in a certain way. And I would imagine in, and I remember one corporate job that I had, you know, there wasn’t a lot of encouragement and so I usually say that I never worked at a corporation, but now I’m thinking I was an apprentice at this, clothing company and I was in charge of managing the props and stuff like that. And, there wasn’t a lot of encouragement over there. So all of, our work experience, you know, impacts our entrepreneurial experience too. And it’s important to recognize in the past maybe that perfection was required, and you don’t have to require that of yourself now.

[00:16:09] Candy Motzek: That’s a whole lesson unto itself right? And I really like how you created that connection between perfectionism and fear. And in addition to all of the great things that you said, so often we will strive for perfection, but we don’t actually define what perfection is, right?

[00:16:28] So we make it the ever-elusive carrot on the end of the stick that you can never attain because you’ve never actually said, “this is perfect.” Like how do you measure perfect? So you’re chasing something that doesn’t even exist. But if you can define, okay, “well I’ll say that this is good or this is excellent, this is better, this is best.” When you’ve got it defined like a data point, then you can go towards that data point. But otherwise, you are just fighting with the wind here, right?

[00:17:02] And eventually when you just fight with the wind, you get exhausted and then you get paralyzed or depresso or exhausted. And then you don’t keep your party moving. Yeah. Which is, which is what what we want. Okay. So, Candy, we’ve talked about this one. What’s next on the list we wanna shine the spotlight on?

[00:17:22] Okay. So an over-independent spirit. Entrepreneurs and independence, we go hand in hand. We are peanut butter and chocolate, if that’s your thing. Lone wolf. That lone wolf syndrome. So thinking that you’ve gotta figure it all out on your own somehow. You gotta go onto YouTube and figure out all these things and make this crazy DIY quilt of a business. Get in community, talk to people, create relationships, get help. That is the best way for you to move your business forward.

[00:17:57] 100% agree with you Candy. And, you know, you use the word community, which I feel is the hugest gift that, as a coach that we can give our clients is not just us, but we can give them a community of people that are on the journey like them. And I do encourage all coaches to cultivate their own client community because that also keeps clients coming back.

[00:18:24] It keeps them feeling that they have more support than just their coach. And also it’s a more holistic way to serve our clients. And I think it’s the secret that we don’t talk about enough? Well, that maybe that’s why it’s because it’s a secret. But let’s be loud and proud about the power of community to have entrepreneurs thrive.

[00:18:51] Okay, what’s next?

[00:18:53] Next is forgetting. Just forgetting that you’ve got an entire life of experience. That you’ve got all these gifts and abilities and superpowers and skills, and thinking that because you’re a new entrepreneur, or in my specific case, a new coach, that you’re a newbie, that you’re a baby coach, that you’re just starting out.

[00:19:17] So just don’t forget that you’ve got a history of all these amazing things that you already know. And give yourself credit for what you’ve done, what you’ve accomplished, right?

[00:19:29] Well, yes, and I know Candy, that you’re a high-achieving woman. I would imagine many of your clients fall into that category. And when we’re high achieving people, we tend to focus on the future and not so much think about our accomplishments of the past. And you just made me think about something my dad said to me, which was when I was a kid all the kids in the neighborhood would come to me for advice, which makes me laugh.

[00:19:57] I think that it makes me laugh because I didn’t have any more life experience than them, but what I had was the ability to listen and to be encouraging. And I’m sure I got that from my parents. And, and my point is that, yeah, we bring it all with us that we’re not, we’re not starting today. Even if we feel like we’re simply just getting started today.

[00:20:21] I love that you shared that this was your experience when you were a child and I’m assuming that in those days there wasn’t actually a term for the word coach and you were already being a coach. I have a strong belief that coaching is a calling for people. We love to talk to people, we love to listen. We wanna support them. We wanna help them live that best life. And there you were as a kid, you were already a coach. There wasn’t a title for it, but you were already doing that part of your mission, right?

[00:20:54] That’s right, that’s right. Well, even when I started Candy, I was in the first Coach certification class at the Coaches Training Institute.

[00:21:02] So when I started and I would go networking and I would talk about coaching, you know, people thought I was coaching volleyball. We had to educate people as to what was coaching way back. And you know, I love that you said it’s a calling because I do consider myself a woman on a mission.

[00:21:22] My mission is all about supporting women entrepreneurs to uplift others through their entrepreneurship and whatever work we’re doing in the world. I hope that people consider their work a calling because it makes it a lot more fulfilling.

[00:21:41] Yeah, it’s the quality of it, right? It’s how you show up in your life.

[00:21:45] Yeah. And you know, what are we doing as coaches and consultants? We’re, we’re solving problems. We’re helping people. We’re helping people empower themselves. Even when I was speaking at the Tupperware event way back when, I remember telling the ladies that they weren’t in the Tupperware business, that they were in the empowerment business.

[00:22:07] And as coaches and consultants, you know, that’s the business that we’re in. We’re in the empowerment business. And that when we think about it that way, it feels more like a calling than a business.

[00:22:22] And we’re the only ones that get to choose how we feel about it. So when you were, when you were teaching those women, that was a lifelong lesson for them that they could always decide, just decide that this is a calling, that there is something noble and you know, really heart-centered and, and wholehearted, right? Yeah. You just decide and then you think about it that way and it becomes even more that those are the people who are successful, right?

[00:22:50] Absolutely. Well, you know, one of the things I’ve done with this podcast is I interviewed my friend Jen Jolicoeur, who is the founder of Athena’s Home Novelties. And a home Novelties is another way to say, you know, uh, sex toys, right? And other related products. And I’ve been to Rhode Island three times to speak for Jen and her ladies, her Goddesses, and Adoni as she calls them, her people that sell her products.

[00:23:20] And, you know that business has transformed many lives because moms were able to stay home with their kids. They were able to bring more income into their household. Certain parts of the country the unemployment rate is very high. And of course the business is bringing light to people’s lives. Whatever business we’re in, you know, we can make it a calling.

[00:23:46] Okay, we’ve talked about fear, we’ve talked about the remembering. What’s the one I’m forgetting?

[00:23:53] Yeah, well, we haven’t talked about shiny object syndrome going down the rabbit hole of shiny object syndrome. All in all, it can be summed up in one sentence: create more, consume less. Instead of going on to all those webinars and all those opportunities and wasting your time swirling in a class. Just come and create. Create something for yourself.

[00:24:21] I like to say, get outta the workshop and get to work. Because I think that sometimes people get in this space. I mean I love learning Candy. I’m sure you love learning. I’m sure you’re always in a program like myself or in a community or in a workshop or you know, taking a course.

[00:24:38] But the thing is that a lot of people do so much that they’re not working their business and they have that feeling of, you know, what’s missing? They’re looking for that thing that’s gonna do it. And like you said earlier, part of what we want them to do is remember they already, they already have a lot of massive value, and let’s get busy on that. So yes, get out of the workshop and get to work.

[00:25:05] I like it. Fifth is technology. I mean, and it sounds so simple, right? But for, an entrepreneur, you’re thinking “website, mailing list, what social media platform do I wanna be on? What scheduler system do I wanna be using? All the tech, what video platform, what audio platform? Do I want a digital course or not? What course platform?”

[00:25:30] There’s all this tech and it can be really overwhelming. And we get to decide, you know, like the tech is a tool. It’s not our business. You know, we wouldn’t think about driving a car and wondering whether we should have tires. You choose the tires, you put the tires on, and off you go.

[00:25:52] So how can you get over that fear, that nervousness of tech by just making a choice, making a decision. And then getting some help, you know, delegating some of that work yourself and getting some help with making those decisions if that’s what you need.

[00:26:09] Absolutely. You know, I have some women in my community, Candy, that didn’t probably use technology much in their professional careers, maybe before they started their own businesses.

[00:26:25] I’ve seen them be very frustrated with tech and then, you know, I’ve said, “call this person, call that person,” you know, given them a hookup. And I’ve watched them blossom with technology. I was running a meeting the other day and this one gal that has struggled with technology, she had the Zoom lipstick on you know? And I thought, Bing, Bing, Bing, she’s embracing technology and I know she’s gotten some help in her business and I said, “Hey, I see you’ve got your Zoom lipstick on.”

[00:26:58] And she was so happy because it wasn’t the lipstick, it was that she had learned a new tech trick. And that she was feeling a lot more tech-savvy in her business because she could put on her Zoom lipstick. I love it.

[00:27:13] Yes. Get support. And that’s really with technology and with everything in our business. We don’t have to be a master of everything. There’s, you know, there was a time when I knew how to post stuff on my blog, but I don’t even know how to do that anymore because I haven’t done it in years because well, first of all, because I’ve decided that blogging is not my medium, but because I have support for a lot of things and we wanna remind everybody to do what their mastery is and not try to do it all.

[00:27:46] Yeah. And, and it’s fine. When you’re starting out, there is a certain number of things that you do have to do on your own, for sure.

[00:27:54] But it’s gonna be sooner than you might think that you could use some help. And learning to delegate. It’s a wonderful thing. Oh my gosh. Think about how much fun it’s gonna be to go for a walk in the afternoon instead of trying to muscle through how to do that social media post scheduler. Like really? Do you really want to do that?

[00:28:13] Absolutely. Exactly. Get some peeps for that. Yeah. Beautiful. Well, Candy, I have so enjoyed our conversation today. Now you have a podcast. We wanna let everyone know about your podcast. We wanna let them know how they can connect with you and let’s hear it.

[00:28:30] Okay, so my podcast is She Coaches Coaches. It’s on all the players and I do all kinds of different episodes. Interviews. I do real-life coaching. I do some teaching, all kinds of things. So come on out and have a listen to She Coaches Coaches. If you’re looking, you’ll see me wearing a blue shirt with a big smile on the cover.

[00:28:52] And if you’re interested in getting closer to my world, I have something that I call the Free Coaches Toolkit. So it’s an online resource library that I’ve pulled together, and if you want access to it, all you have to do is text the word “coach” to 1 8 4 4 2 4 6 6 2 5 9. Again, the word “coach” to 1 8 4 4 2 4 6 6 2 5 9.

[00:29:20] Easy as that, and I’ll send you access.

[00:29:23] Wonderful Candy. Thank you so much for being with me today. Everybody, pick one of these things that Candy and I have discussed. Identify what you’re gonna do to get this challenge out of the way so that you can serve more, have more impact with your amazing business.

[00:29:43] I’m Caterina Rando. I’m blissing to be with you, and we’ll see you next time on another episode of the Expand Your Fempire Podcast.

We hope you enjoyed this episode of Expand Your Fempire with Caterina Rando.