Expand Your Fempire Podcast #160 Transcript

The Art of Asking: Caterina’s Musings from the Balcony of a Cruise Ship

Welcome to Expand your Fempire with Caterina Rando, the podcast for women in business on a mission. Sharing ideas to support you to grow and thrive. Now here’s your host, Caterina Rando.

[00:00:27]Welcome back to another episode of the Expand Your Fempire podcast. I’m your host, Caterina Rando, and today I’m coming to you from the balcony of a cruise ship in Victoria, Canada. We are in the port right now.

You may or may not know that I host retreats for women on cruise ships. I’ve hosted 13 retreats for women on cruise ships.

We have so much fun. We have a mastermind retreat. We have a [00:01:00] retreat called the Bliss Retreat where we get rejuvenated and work on uplifting ourself and having a great time.

We also do something called Amp Up the Mastermind Adventure, and we have a retreat on how to do women’s retreats.

Usually when I’m on a cruise ship with a group of gals, well, there’s a lot happening.

We’re we’re having an accelerated jewelry exchange. We’re having afternoon tea with fascinators. We’re doing group karaoke. We’re doing a comedy night. There’s not time for me to sit down and do this being with you.

This week I’m with my family. I got a little bit more time for thinking, for thinking about you and your business, my business, the future of women in entrepreneurship.[00:02:00]

And I’m very happy right now to sit down with you and share what I’m calling my musings from my cruise ship balcony.

Today we went to Bouchard Gardens. Beautiful place on the island of Victoria. The Bouchard family were in the cement business. They actually invented cement. Didn’t know that. The wife, Jenny, she built these beautiful, incredible gardens with so many flowers.

We went there today. And when we got on the tour bus, at some point before the tour bus left, the driver turned on the air conditioning, and it got really cold. I put on my jacket. After a couple of minutes, I was still very cold. [00:03:00] And I said to my sister who was with me, I said, “it’s so cold. It’s too cold.”

And then I remembered that a complaint, which is what I was doing, is an unstated request.

And I want you to take a moment to look in your life. And ask yourself, what do you complain about?

What do you complain about? Because that is a good indicator for you for what you want to put some attention on and make a powerful request.

Could be a powerful request of yourself or a powerful request of someone else.

What did I do? I got my derriere out of the chair. I went down the double decker [00:04:00] stairs. I got off the bus. I found the driver and I said, “Hey, it’s very cold on the bus. Everyone has put on their jacket.”

Well, of course, as a result, he said, “no problem. I will turn it down.” Ha. I got back on the bus and it was very comfortable.

I share that with you. because often when we think about asking for what we want, we anticipate that somebody’s not gonna be happy to give it to us. Now, I can tell you right now, it’s not always gonna be as easy as that, but you know what?

Even when we ask for what we want and we get a no, people start to think about what we want and often they’ll come back to us. Or we can come back to them another time and we can get a yes.

It’s this way, of course, in sales. It’s this way, often in your relationships.

I want to invite you to amplify your asking for what you want.

Now I do wanna say graciousness matters. Kindness matters.

Letting people know how much you appreciate them, or what they’ve done for you, before you make your request also helps you get what you want more.

Because you know why? When we’re kind to people, they’re much more agreeable than when we’re not kind.

Kindness is a key part of business success.

In fact, I heard the first woman prime Minister of New England, who was also the youngest head of state. I believe her name was Jacinda, but I might be wrong on that. Anyway, you know what she said? She said [00:06:00] kindness is one of her leadership qualities that she implements.

And I’m hoping that that is one of your leadership qualities. It’s definitely one of mine.

Kindness. Always ask for what you want. Notice when you’re having a complaint and make it a request. Bing, bing, bing.

That’s the first musing I wanna share with you.

When we got on the cruise ship, I started to think about one of the favorite things I’ve done on a cruise ship. Twice, I have been on the Wake Show.

The Wake Show is the morning show that they show all day on the cruise ships in the people’s cabins. And the Wake Show is where they talk about what’s happening on the ship that day, they talk about the destinations we’re going to, and sometimes they interview [00:07:00] passengers.

A few cruises back, one of our fabulous participants, Narelle Sheehan, she met the cruise director who was from Australia. Narelle’s from Australia. And Narelle having a background in the entertainment business and having been a publicist and an agent in the past, she pitched me to the cruise director to be on the Wake Show.

And guess what? The cruise director said yes! And I got to be on the Wake Show. I got interviewed. And then, the next time I knew I was going on a cruise, I asked in advance if I could be on the Wake Show.

And why do I wanna be on the Wake Show? Because what I do when I go on the Wake Show is I talk about women and cruising and retreats and how powerful they are for us to uplift our lives, make friends, have a great time together.

And in our case, those of us that are entrepreneurs, get revitalized to grow our business.

So I’m on the Wake Shown twice. Now i’m traveling with my family. Well, this is really what we would call a pop-up cruise. We didn’t plan it very far in the past because my mom passed away a few months back and my sister and I decided it would be good to take my dad on a cruise to cheer him up. And also, he likes to travel and he’s been on this ship with me to Alaska before about 15 years ago, and he had a great time.

We’re on the ship. Not planned far in advance, and I start thinking about the Wake Show. And I start thinking, “Hey, I’d like to be on the Wake Show and now I don’t have all my gals that I have my attention on [00:09:00] usually. I could do a great job and be relaxed and be on the Wake Show and have fun.”

Well, a day or two go by and then I realize, “well, if I wanna be on the Wake Show. Nobody knows I wanna be on the Wake Show. I should probably go ask someone.”

So my experience is that the cruise director is in charge of who gets on the Wake Show. I call, I ask to speak to the cruise director. She’s not available. I ask to leave her a message. They don’t have voicemail. I have to leave a message with the gal who answered the phone. Which I do, and I tell her I wanna be on the Wake Show and I tell her what I wanna talk about. Well, the next evening I get a call from I guess, her assistant who asks me some questions and says she’ll get back to me about the possibility of being on the Wake Show.[00:10:00]

Another day goes by, no call. Then I remind myself of something.

If you don’t get the answer you want, you ask again.

And I’m telling you that because often you reach out to someone, they don’t get right back to you and you don’t circle back.

You’ve heard the fortune is in the follow- up.

I’m gonna tell you, the fortune is in the circle backs after the follow- up.

It’s not always the case that someone responds from your first follow- up. I’ve sometimes circled back to gals 5, 6, 7 times before they even respond. That’s okay because all those touches count.

And sometimes if Mary, Jane, or Sheila are not responding to you [00:11:00] through your text, through your email, through your direct message, you have to ask yourself, “Hey, what else can I do to try to connect with Mary Jane or Sheila?”

Do you know what I’m doing on my trip to Alaska right now? I wrote 30 postcards. I’ve got 10 more to write. Some of them are to the gals that are coming to Alaska with me next year. Some of them are to potential clients that have been non-responsive.

Here’s the thing, if you wanna talk to Mary, Jane, or Sheila and Mary, Jane, or Sheila have not said to you, “don’t bother me, or I’m busy, or I’m not interested,” the answer is “yes” until you hear a “no.”

And I’m hoping that you’re continuing to reach out, finding new ways [00:12:00] to reach out.

And by the way, here’s one of my big strategies. If I’m trying to get ahold of Mary, Jane, or Sheila and Mary, Jane, or Sheila, or non-responsive, I ask myself this very important question: where can I run into Mary Jane or Sheila?

These days with Zoom, oh my God, it’s so fabulous! I think to myself, what Zoom networking event might Mary, Jane, or Sheila be at? Or can I sign up for Mary, Jane, or Sheila’s workshop?

Is she teaching a class? I go. And my smile is now on the screen. And now my presence there… Guess what? It is building influence.

I love to go where someone is gonna be. [00:13:00] Then after, send them a note: “great to see you at the blah, blah, blah.” Circling back on whatever it was I wanted to talk to them about.

I hope you’re blissing as you hear this strategy because it’s super works. By the way, I wanna remind you about the law of familiarity.

The law of familiarity. What is that? The more someone sees your beautiful face, the more they hear your name, the more other people are talking about you. They see your posts, they see your emails. Even when they don’t open them, they are starting to know you, like you, and trust you more. It’s awesome. Even if you never had a conversation.

Are you vibing with me on this?

This is why all of your reach outs count all of your posts, count all of your emails count, because they’re all helping you with the law of familiarity.

And guess what? Postcards count too. Bing, bing, bing.

So back to my Wake Show story, I ask myself, okay, I am not getting a call back from the cruise director.

Now I’ve seen her all over the ship, but she’s running, she’s on stage, she’s going somewhere else and I was not able to ever find a moment to speak with her. But then I hear her announce on the loud speaker in the morning, “I’m gonna be doing a panel with the executives on the ship at one o’clock.”

I think to myself, “Bing, bing, bing. I know where she’s gonna be at one o’clock.” Since she’ll be moderating the panel, she’ll be sitting down and I’ll be able to catch her just after she finishes moderating the panel. [00:15:00] Well, what did I do? One o’clock I went to the Explorer’s Lounge where she was leading the panel and you know what else I did?

Super tip alert. Super tip alert. When it came to the q and a part of the panel discussion, I stood up. I raised my hand. I asked a question, a very good question that showed the cruise line in a bright and positive light. I asked about sustainability and environmental impact and all the positive changes that they’re making.

She said to me five times, she said, “that was a great question.” But now when I go up after and introduce myself, I have already built a little influence. Did you hear this, my friends? I hope you’re bliss. I want you to take this and I want you to apply it for yourself.

I go there. I introduce myself. [00:16:00] Now she already knows who I am. We have a brief conversation and bing, bing, bing, I am Insta booked on the Wake Show at 9:00 AM the next morning.

I hope you’re hearing this and you’re thinking to yourself, ” where do I wanna be? I’ve reached out. I’ve tried. I didn’t get a yes, I didn’t get a response.” This would be for podcasts, speaking, other opportunities.

Keep asking. Keep showing up. Stay visible, to those individuals, not just general visibility.

And the same thing, of course, with your sales.

Next morning, 9:00 AM I’m on the Wake Show, it’s on the TV all day. They, they play it constantly. Wake Show. In fact, it’s a button that you could press at any time to see what’s happening. Today is the day that my Wake Show [00:17:00] aired. We’re going to dinner shortly. I have not been on the ship all day.

What usually happens is people recognize me. People ask me about cruising and women’s retreats and bing, bing. I have got a new fabulous clip for my social media. I am blissing, all because I asked for what I wanted.

I didn’t stop when I didn’t get the response I was looking for, and I got strategic about how I could get the response I was looking for.

Caterina Rando: That’s what I’m hoping you’re doing.

And let me be very clear, asking -making powerful requests- my friend, it’s a skill, just like speaking and writing.

In the beginning, it’s nerve wracking to do. It’s uncomfortable. The more you do it, the better you get.

And let’s remind you of another important thing. The goal is not to do stuff. The goal is to master the [00:18:00] stuff that you’re doing.

Master your speaking. Master your writing. Master your asking, and making powerful requests. And mastering leading groups, mastering, leading retreats.

And I’m hoping that you have also embraced retreats as standard operating procedure for your strategic plan. Because two retreats a year is a very important strategy for you.

Now, you don’t have to come all the way to Victoria, Canada, or you don’t have to go to a foreign country. You can do a retreat an hour or two from your home. Ideally with other amazing business women that you’re gonna pour into them, they’re gonna pour into you. You’re gonna make new friends. You’re gonna create new collaborations.

Retreats [00:19:00] are very powerful for your business, for your business bliss. And I’m hoping that you’re embracing that. If you have not been on a women’s retreat, or if you haven’t been on one in a while, or if you have, and you know how awesome they are, connect with me and our Thriving Women in Business Community.

We’ve got retreats every year that we offer. We offer not only retreats on cruise ships, we also offer, our speaker mastermind retreat twice a year at our center in San Francisco. Where you will gain skills and you will become a more confident speaker. You will become more strategic with your speaking. You’ll be able to scale your business more with speaking, which is what I want for you. And again, you’ll be blissing more in your business.

My friend, I hope you will take my musings from my balcony of my cruise ship. You [00:20:00] will say to yourself, “Caterina,. I like that idea,” and you will incorporate something for our discussion today to uplift your life, to uplift your business.

Please reach out to me. Please let me know how you’re enjoying this podcast. By the way, we’ve got over 150 episodes. There’s a lot of great ideas, a lot of great strategies that I’m hoping you will be embracing. You’ll be listening to some more episodes.

Let me say, my intention for this podcast is that every time you listen, when you are finished listening with any episode, you are more uplifted than when you showed up. That is my intention.

That is my intention for every conversation I have. That is my intention for every relationship I’m in.

By the way, there’s another guiding principle for you to embrace. Look to uplift everybody you come in contact with. You know what happens. You end up [00:21:00] uplifting yourself too, which is a great thing.

I’m sending you much love. I’m reminding you, you have massive value to bring. There’s a lifetime supply of people to serve.

I encourage you, be loud and proud about your massive value.

I encourage you to ask for what you want with graciousness and kindness.

I encourage you to not take the first no or not take the non-response and figure out, Hey, how can I get more of what I want?

Because the more you do, the more you will be uplifting others having more impact, and as a result, uplifting more lives. Bing, bing, Bing. Can’t wait to be with you again on another episode of the Expand Your Fempire podcast. Love to you.

We hope you enjoyed this episode of Expand Your Fempire with Caterina Rando.