A Self-Love Plan to Be the Queen of Your Fempire
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You have heard of the popular “Five Love Languages” to help you with your personal and business relationships. Have you ever thought about them as a tool to help you master self-love? In this episode, Caterina shares a major breakthrough she recently had, that will help you embrace and practice more self-love in your business. This will also support you to bliss more with yourself. You’ll leave this valuable episode with a list of action steps to take to help you be the true Queen of your Fempire!
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Expand Your Fempire Podcast #54 Transcript
A Self-Love Plan to Be the Queen of Your Fempire
Welcome to Expand your Fempire with Caterina Rando, the podcast for women in business on a mission. Sharing ideas to support you to grow and thrive. Now here’s your host, Caterina Rando.
[00:00:27] My friend, I am blissing to be with you today because I have decided that I’m going to share with you something that I feel is essential for having not only a thriving business, a life, and a business that is bringing you fulfillment.
[00:00:47] I’m going to share with you a little bit about my recent personal journey that I am hoping will inspire you. I am recording this in July- a month I have chosen to have a very light schedule. I went last week to the Silverado Spa for three days. I went because we’re doing an event there in January. I also went for the relaxation and the get-a-way.
[00:01:19]I’m taking a lot of time this month for thinking and planning. I’m not doing any teaching. I’m not doing any speaking. Because every year you need time, I need time, for relaxation, rejuvenation, reflection, revitalization.
[00:01:39] I want you to ask yourself, have you been taking time?
[00:01:45] Now also we have all been through a trauma: living during a pandemic. Even if your financial situation is fine, the uncertainty has taken a toll on all of us.
[00:02:00] Next year I’m doing the same thing, even more time not working. Why? Because you cannot give to the extent that you want to give if your cup is empty. You want your cup to be full, overflowing, and you give from surplus.
Because you cannot give to the extent that you want to give if your cup is empty. You want your cup to be full, overflowing, and you give from surplus. -Caterina Rando
[00:02:22] When I was at the spa last week, I met the most amazing massage therapist ever. After my best massage of life, we decided that she would come to my room for the next two days and give me another massage. Best self-care decision I’ve made in a long time.
[00:02:44] On the third day, I am waiting for Angela to come, I’m not quite sure exactly when she’s arriving. I go on Facebook to check my messages. A notification pops up about one of my amazing clients who’s hosting her second ever workshop.
[00:03:03] I love to go to my ladies’ workshops. I love to support them when they’re doing their thing. I think to myself, “Okay. I’ll register because it was happening right then. And if I have to leave early, that’s fine. I will let her know.” I go to the workshop. I, fortunately, am able to stay for the whole thing before Angela, the massage therapist arrived. And I had a major breakthrough in this one-hour workshop that I want to tell you about.
[00:03:33] Maritza Levy, who is one of my VIP clients, who is a self-care and self-love advocate for women hosting her second-ever virtual workshop, as I mentioned, was fabulous and amazing.
[00:03:50] And I’m telling you this because you might be getting ready to get ready to begin to think about getting going on your virtual thing. And I want you to know that it’s in the doing that you get good at it, and the more you do it, the better you’re going to get.
[00:04:06] In this workshop, Maritza starts to talk about the five love languages. Now I’m listening attentively because I love The Five Love Languages, the book by Gary Chapman, which is all about your significant relationship and how to show love and feel loved. Love that book.
[00:04:28] I talk about the five love languages all the time as it relates to business, that you want to be a polyglot. You want to speak all five love languages with your clients. You can call them the five languages of client appreciation.
[00:04:44] Maritza, though, she has a different spin. She says, guess what? These five love languages? They’re about self-love. This was my breakthrough.
[00:04:58] Because since I was a young woman, I have heard people say a thousand times, “Love yourself, love yourself.” And I think to myself, “I do love myself.” What I love about the five love languages is you get to take action to love yourself.
[00:05:18] Now, this was a breakthrough for me, and I’m hoping it’s a breakthrough for you. And even if you already are good at this, and you know, this, let’s upgrade it in our time together today.
[00:05:28] Because the more you fill your own cup, the more you will be available to be amazing in your business. The more you will be full to enjoy your business. The more you will be full to be even more generous in your business because your cup is overflowing.
Because the more you fill your own cup, the more you will be available to be amazing in your business. The more you will be full to enjoy your business. The more you will be full to be even more generous in your business because your cup is overflowing. -Caterina Rando
[00:05:57] This realization in this zoom room was significant for me because, my friend, I have been to the wilderness workshop. I have done (don’t tell anyone) three naked workshops. I have been to all kinds of personal growth situations and nobody ever quite made it so simple.
[00:06:20] But we’re going to talk about this right now. We’re going to go through the five love languages as it relates to you and your self-love and I’m going to add in a couple of other additional things that I think are essential for self-love for the woman entrepreneur.
[00:06:40] Because I do want you to be the beloved queen of your Fempire. And that love starts with you. Because guess what, my friend?
[00:06:54] Nobody is ever going to love us better than we love ourselves. And even if you say to me, “well, Caterina, that’s not true because I have a great boyfriend or I have a great husband or my kids love me.” Guess what? That is great. And I am blissing for you. AND we’re the one who’s going to be with ourselves 24/7 from this day until the day we go underground. And I don’t mean an underground cave. I mean, the day we pass from this world. And I’m hoping you do have so many loving people in your life, my desire is that we amplify your self-love even more. I’m hoping that sounds good to you.
[00:07:43] Let’s look at these each and every one. First thing is your words of appreciation. Do you say things to yourself every day that lift you up?
[00:07:57] When I’m in bed in the morning, before I get out of bed, I say to myself, “I choose bliss today. I choose productivity today. I choose love and kindness and generosity.”
[00:08:12] Now sometimes I don’t say all that, sometimes I just say, “I choose bliss.” The point is I consciously set my intention for the day with myself in a loving way before I even get out of bed.
[00:08:27]I want you to do that. By the way, sidebar here, we know that successful people have AM routines and PM routines that support them. Your self-care, your vitamins, your water, your exercise, your prayer, your meditation, taking time for thinking and planning, reviewing your goals. These are all great AM routine activities. I invite you to think about, “What’s my ideal AM routine?” to embrace that because that will support you to have an amazing day.
[00:09:05] Let’s talk about your self-talk. Are you the kind of person that speaks to yourself lovingly and kindly? Or do you put yourself down? Do you put yourself down in conversations with others? Are you telling yourself “you’re lazy, you’re stupid, what are you doing, this is not going to work.”
[00:09:27] Or do you tell yourself, “Sweetheart, you are amazing! You can figure this out, whatever the challenge is. This will pass. Let’s look at how we can make it better.”
[00:09:40] Are you on your side all day long or are you on your back? Are you riding yourself? Are you pushing yourself so that you’re not enjoying the day? Take a look, words of appreciation, and I like to say, and acknowledgment every day, all day. Because you’re the one who’s talking with yourself all day long. That’s the first one, words of appreciation and acknowledgment.
[00:10:15] Second love language: gifts! I love gifts. Gifts are awesome. You know, it’s really awesome when you give a gift and people get it right. That is wonderful. I love getting gifts that are right on. Are you giving yourself gifts? Back when I was married, my husband would often come home with red roses for the home and give them to me.
[00:10:44] This made me very, very happy. Now that I’m not married anymore, I buy myself roses every week or every two weeks. I order them and I have them delivered. Every week I order two dozen orange roses. I have yet to get two dozen orange roses. This week, I got red, orange and pink. Last week I got pink and white, the week before I got all yellow. It’s always a surprise every week what roses they send. This is now a standard operating procedure in my life -to give myself roses.
[00:11:32] What gifts would you like to be standard operating procedure in your life?
[00:11:40]This is also a place for us to look at you investing in yourself. Because, my friend, you are the best thing that you could ever invest in. Investing in programs that support you, investing in a team that supports you, investing in something that is fun for you, investing in a retreat with other women so that you get away and get rejuvenated. This is why I love to host retreats, because it is a great opportunity for women to fill their cup.
[00:12:26] Now, when an opportunity comes your way, do you think of it as indulgent, or do you think of it as a loving thing you can do for yourself? And this is why we’re talking about this today, because I want to shift your perspective from being indulgent or being spoiling or being extravagant to being loving towards yourself when you invest in yourself.
…I want to shift your perspective from being indulgent or being spoiling or being extravagant to being loving towards yourself when you invest in yourself. -Caterina Rando
[00:12:59] I want you to remember as a guiding principle for your whole life: investing in yourself is the best investment you will ever make. And investing in yourself over and over and over as a standard operating procedure for your business and your life.
[00:13:23] Right now, ask yourself, what’s a gift you would like to give yourself? Ask yourself, what would you like to bring in on a consistent basis? Because this is not just about the bottom line, although I do want you to have financial surplus. This is you adjusting the way you consistently behave with yourself.
[00:13:49] We’ve talked about gifts. We’ve talked about words of appreciation and acknowledgment. Let’s talk about quality time.
[00:13:58] What quality time are you spending with yourself to nurture yourself, to fill your cup? I just started taking baths with Epsom salts two or three or four times a week. For me, this is definitely quality time because I’m actually enjoying it. Plus it’s getting all the toxins and all the stuff out of the body. I’ve never done that. I’ve probably had three baths in the last 30 years because I just couldn’t enjoy sitting there in the water. Now I love it because part of it is I see it as a quality time nurturing act.
[00:14:50] Also, if there is a favorite show that you like, don’t get down on yourself that you’re watching TV. See it as a little quality time with yourself. And, you know what’s overdoing it and what’s not overdoing it. A good book. Audible, I love audible. That is quality time with yourself.
[00:15:13] Right now, I want you to think about, “What can I do to have more quality time with myself, to make the time when I’m with myself more quality?”
[00:15:29] By the way I’m going to tell you one of my favorite quality time things: making sure I get a good night’s sleep. I believe that a good night’s sleep is the elixir to a good life.
[00:15:42] What do you know quality time is for you that maybe you haven’t been getting consistently that we want to bring in? The idea here is that you are consciously creating the best days for you. Being loving to yourself. Being kind to yourself. Being compassionate with yourself. Because you’re the one who is with yourself all the time.
[00:16:12] I’m hoping right now that you’ve written some things down that you know are quality time you’d like to spend with yourself. Think about, what are things that you like to do that you haven’t done in a while?
[00:16:27] Do you know that I like to play bocce ball? I like to play bocce ball. I’m not any good at bocce ball just like I’m not any good at pool. Guess what? I enjoy it. I like to go to belly dancing class, virtually. I want to make sure I get these activities in because that is quality time.
[00:16:49] Words of appreciation, gifts, quality time. Next one: acts of service. What are those things that you know when you do them for yourself, everything is better? Last week, I got my first mani-pedi, post-pandemic. I got to tell you, it looks great. Every time I look at my gold glitter nails and my gold glitter toes, it makes me happy. That’s an act of service.
[00:17:29] Taking yourself for a walk. Anything that involves moving your body. Taking yourself to yoga class. Drinking all the water, you know you’re supposed to drink. That’s an act of service.
[00:17:44] All these self-care things that we talk about, don’t see them as “shoulds.” Shift your perspective to see them as acts of service to the beloved queen, who is you.
All these self-care things that we talk about, don’t see them as “shoulds.” Shift your perspective to see them as acts of service to the beloved queen, who is you. -Caterina Rando
[00:18:01] Now this is a place where I really want you to think about a queen in the stereotypical sense of the word. A queen has somebody that prepares her bath, keeps track of her wardrobe, prepares her wardrobe, helps her get dressed, helps her get ready for bed. Now all of those things, I’m not saying you have to do yourself.
[00:18:30] What I’m saying though, is I want you to look- where can you use more support in your life? Getting more support is an act of service you can do for yourself.
[00:18:47] Let me tell you something. I have the most fabulous on-the-ground assistant. You have heard me, I’m sure, rave about her before. She does all kinds of things for me that I request that she does that are uplifting my life, adding more ease, allowing me to put my attention on what’s the highest and best use of my time. Gas in my car, calling the utilities company when we’re not sure what’s happening with the bill. All of these things that take time, get some support for yourself in your life.
[00:19:31] Now you’ve heard the idea of staying in your zone of genius in terms of what you’re doing in your business. I like to say focus on those things that you seek to master. Your five pillars, right, of your Fempire: speaking, selling, serving, strategy and self-care. We have another podcast on this topic.
[00:19:53] The thing is, though, that all those to do’s that are not the highest and best use of your time take brainpower. And when you can get them off of your brain and on someone else’s brain, that is significantly serving and supporting yourself.
[00:20:16] Ask yourself right now, where can you use more support in your life? And wouldn’t it be a wonderful act of service for you to bring some support into your life?
[00:20:35] By the way, create a criteria for the kind of people that you want to be supporting you. I am looking for people that are genuinely supportive, they are naturally supportive. They are naturally caretakers and kind, and they operate with integrity and they are blissing to support you. That’s the kind of support you want in your life. This is very important. Do not tolerate support from somebody that thinks they’re doing you a favor. You want to have people supporting you that are blissing while they’re doing it.
[00:21:16] And as women, this is a place where we often have challenges, creating support. I want you to think about that queen. She has all kinds of support. Therefore, her brain is freed up to do her reigning. And that’s what I want for you.
[00:21:36] We’ve talked about gifts. We’ve talked about words of appreciation and acknowledgment. We’ve talked about quality time. We’ve talked about acts of service. Physical touch. How many hugs did you get today?
[00:21:50] Let me tell you something, I’m single. I live alone, not a lot of touching during the pandemic. Very important to have massages, to hug people. If you have a significant other to make a lot of time for intimacy. If you don’t, that’s what massages are for. Self-love in whatever form, physical touch is important. Get more physical touch in your life.
[00:22:22] It is an act of self-love. Again, this is where women say, “Oh, it’s too indulgent for me to go get a massage once or twice a month. My friend, self-love. See it as self-love. Ask yourself right now, what can you do to bring more physical touch in your life? By the way, self-massage is something everybody can do.
[00:22:49] Let’s take a deep breath. Now we have discussed these traditional five love languages. I want you to see them and bring them in to be practicing self-love every day in your life.
[00:23:09] There are a couple of more things I want to encourage you to do for self-love. The next one is to create financial ease and financial surplus for yourself.
[00:23:23] I do not want you to have a business where you cannot pay your bills. I want you to have a business where you can pay your bills, you can pay yourself, you can invest in charities that you care about, for causes you care about, and you have surplus money in the bank. You have savings. Maybe you have investments. You have plenty of surplus.
[00:23:53] Why? Because one of the most kind things you can do for yourself is take away financial stress from your life.
[00:24:06] I am speaking to you as someone who, before my marriage, I always paid my bills on time. I had an excellent credit score. I had no debt, 99% of the time. Financial ease, financial ease, financial ease. No financial stress.
[00:24:27] When I went to the store to buy a dress, or whatever it was, half the time I didn’t even look at the price tag. Why? Because I had surplus. If it was $40 or $80 or $120, if it was the right dress, I was happy. This is what I want to tell you.
Financial ease is a huge gift, is a huge act of self-love. -Caterina Rando
[00:24:45] Financial ease is a huge gift, is a huge act of self-love. Then, during the latter part of my marriage and after my marriage, financial struggle, financial stress. A lot of financial stress. Not how you want to live your life. Because it dictates everything you do. It is overshadowing every decision, even little things.
[00:25:15] Somebody invites you out to dinner, you’re stressing because what if the bill is more than $20? You’re stressing. No, my friend, I’m saying you, I’m speaking from my own experience. I don’t want that for you. I want you to be able to bliss every day in your life because you have financial ease.
[00:25:39] I want you right now to ask yourself, what do you need to do to create financial ease and surplus in your life if you want to? I want you to see it, though, as a huge act of self-love.
[00:25:54]Now you may not be able to do it overnight. You may have to rebuild your credit. You may have to consolidate or negotiate your debt. You may have to pick up the phone and get more sales. You may need a mentor or a coach. Hello, right here, to support you to move towards mastery in growing your business.
[00:26:18] By the way, let’s sidebar here. This idea that you are supposed to do it on your own is ridiculous. A lady calls me yesterday, I’ve never met her before. She’s crying on the phone telling me about her business situation wrapped up with other situations and she’s telling me, “I’ve got to figure this out” and I’m thinking to myself, “no, you don’t, sweetheart. That’s what myself and other people are here to support you with. We’re here to support you to figure it out.”
[00:26:54] Yes, of course, ultimately you are the one that has to take the action and decide what course is best for you. Going through things over and over and over in your head by yourself is creating more stress. I want you to look at, where can you get some advice, support from a trusted source, asterisk on a trusted source, to help you move through it. Whatever it is, whatever your challenge du jour is.
[00:27:30] Because the most loving thing you can do is give yourself peace of mind. And for many women entrepreneurs, the peace of mind will come with financial ease and financial surplus. My friend right now, ask yourself, what can you do to create more of that? Let’s take a deep breath again.
[00:28:00] Last one that I want to add to this list of love languages for self-love. Make sure that everyone in your life is kind and loving and genuinely wants good for you. Do not tolerate relationships that are volatile. Do not tolerate relationships that are bringing you down.
Make sure that everyone in your life is kind and loving and genuinely wants good for you. Do not tolerate relationships that are volatile. Do not tolerate relationships that are bringing you down. -Caterina Rando
[00:28:32] When the phone rings, you know if that conversation is going to be uplifting or depressing. Filling your cup or emptying your cup. And start to pay attention when you see that somebody’s reaching out to you. And how do you instantly feel about that person?
[00:28:53] This is a key to you blissing in your life and a key to you being more loving to yourself. One of the biggest acts of self-love is to not be in relationships with people that are abusing you, that are creating trauma for you, that are not appreciating you, that have envy or jealousy towards you. This is not what you want in your life.
[00:29:29] I want you to have people in your life that you are blissing to be with, that lift you up, that fill your cup. Because, my friend, you are the queen of your Fempire. Treat yourself like the queen of your Fempire. Do not let anybody treat you with disrespect.
[00:29:48] I’m sending you some love. I hope that you will amplify your self-love in lots of different ways that we’ve discussed today. Listen to this a few times. Take action based on our discussions. And this will support you to thrive more in your business, to be more of service, to give from a full cup so that you not only have a thriving business, that you have a blissing life.
[00:30:17] I hope that you and I will get to meet live and in-person or virtually. Come hang out with me and the other gals in our community on Clubhouse. Join our Facebook group, download our amazing Expand Your Fempire app. Consider joining me for one of our free upcoming workshops. Come on an amazing retreat with us.
[00:30:42] Myself and my community have a lifetime supply of value to bring you. Love yourself by getting more support and taking action based on our discussion today.
[00:30:56] Love to you. This is Caterina Rando, and I cannot wait to hear how this episode has supported you and to be with you again.
We hope you enjoyed this episode of Expand Your Fempire with Caterina Rando.