Expand Your Fempire Podcast #73 Transcript

Finding Inner Joy and Being Your Authentic Self with Dr. Beth

Welcome to Expand your Fempire with Caterina Rando, the podcast for women in business on a mission. Sharing ideas to support you to grow and thrive. Now here’s your host, Caterina Rando.

[00:00:24]Caterina Rando: Welcome back to another episode of the Expand Your Fempire Podcast. I am your host Caterina Rando, and I am so blissing today because we have one of my favorite people on the planet, good friend for many years, a phenomenal, fabulous, super smart, super energetic gal: Dr. Beth.

[00:00:52] Dr. Beth: Woo!

[00:00:52] Caterina Rando: Dr. Beth is a psychologist, she is America’s “teenologist”, and she is someone that you are going to want to get to know.

[00:01:04] Dr. Beth, before we dive into some of your insights and super tips and massive value, tell everybody a little bit about your entrepreneurial journey.

[00:01:20] Dr. Beth: Oh, you mean the details? Okay. That was me doing my hands in all directions. So my entrepreneurial journey started when I started selling Girl Scout cookies and my dad had to call the police to go find me because I was going for the winning award to sell the most cookies of the whole troop. And so they found me at nine o’clock at night, still going door to door to door.

[00:01:46] Caterina Rando: Did you win?

[00:01:47] Dr. Beth: Of course, I won. I don’t know. I don’t remember. It’s the game that counts. It’s not the actual win. I may have gotten an award, I may still have it in my room, but I’m not sure. Just kidding.

[00:01:59] And then I worked three jobs through high school and college. Just started it early in the morning as a wave pool instructor, then went to the Marriott, and then I was a Shoney’s girl.

[00:02:12] And I know I’ve teased you in the past when I’ve had some of my lowest moments and I’m like “I always know I can go back and be a waitress at Shoney’s.” Like, I know you would just go “oh, you’re killing me, you’re killing me”. But there were moments that I always knew I could go back to that early stage of my entrepreneur.

[00:02:31] But then right out of college, I went into a licensed clinical psychology, master’s in psychology. And that’s when I dropped the mic because it felt like I was dealing with crazy people and I was too young and I didn’t like it.

[00:02:47] And I quit and I made a U-turn and got my master’s at Vanderbilt in human resource development. And started to become an educational business coach and executive coach.

[00:03:00] So I spent about 20 years doing that. Then all of a sudden another U-turn and I’m like, “I’m messing with people’s heads. I should have my clinical licensure.” So then I did both at the same time for about 15 years.

[00:03:14] And I’ve been a licensed psychologist since 2001: 20 years now. And I’m now bringing in both of my careers, my business career, and my clinical licensure career so that I’m helping family-owned businesses.

[00:03:31] So I help with the inner family. I help with those crazy teenagers. And I help with those crazy employees that act like teenagers. I work with bad-ass mama-jama teen energy. That’s what I do in my entrepreneurialship.

[00:03:46] Caterina Rando: Love it. Love it. Well, my family business… my grandfather had a shoe shop. He was a shoe repairman. My other grandfather had a grocery store. My parents had regular jobs. My mom was a school teacher. My dad was an engineer for the city. They both though had side businesses.

[00:04:09] And I definitely came up with an entrepreneurial perspective and attitude. And I love, Dr. Beth, that you are marrying the two now.

[00:04:21] When I first started working, I worked for my sister and my dad helped. That was pretty much a family business at the cafe. And there are definitely a lot of dynamics for lack of a better word when you’re in business with your family. Yes.

[00:04:39] Dr. Beth, let’s hang out here. Let’s shine the spotlight. Some people may be listening that are in business with their family. And, you know, my previous husband supported me in my business. Say a little bit about what you’ve learned in working with family businesses?

[00:04:55] Dr. Beth: Well, you know, I also grew up with my mom and dad. So I worked with my mom who owned and ran a daycare center. And I was one of the helpers and worked with all the kids. And then my dad also has a consulting business and I worked with him.

[00:05:16] Always teased him that, um, he started me out after a master’s at minimum wage. He gave me a whopping raise to $4.50 an hour, which tells you how old I am. And then we had a hard time, so we dropped me back down to minimum wage, I think it was $3.35 at the time. And then when he brought me back to $4.50 an hour, I was supposed to be happy, and I was like, “agh!” So that was one of the stories I tell on him.

[00:05:41] The other story is like “really, you’re gonna wear your bathing suit while you’re making sales calls? And everybody can hear the birds in the background.” I’m like “you want to pay me more? You get what you pay for!” So I’m out here sunbathing, listening to the birds, making my dad’s sales calls.

[00:05:58] And he would have me do all of the training for a day. He’d be like, “okay, tomorrow I’m going to do a training on supervisory skills or team building or time management or whatever.” And he would give me like five or six books to read. And he’d say, give me the top 10 points. So I’d do all the research, I’d give him the 10 points and he would go do an eight-hour presentation. I think it was an absolute trick on his part to inundate me with information because he could pull it off and I’d be like, “how do you know this stuff? I’m the one that read it and you’re able to just like shine.”

[00:06:35] So, there are some crazy, crazy dynamics. Especially right now with the boomers that are launching out of their businesses and wanting to graciously give their 30, 40 years of hard work to their kids, and their kids are like, “yeah, I don’t want that. I don’t want to be you. I don’t want to turn into you. And I really don’t want to have what you’ve created. Thank you very much. Give it to someone else.” And you can imagine the pain and the hurt and the shame and the upset that that causes.

[00:07:08] So I help the business owners talk to their adult children who were acting like, you know, young children, and try to kind of help everybody make their way through it.

[00:07:22] One other really fast, funny story that just –“squirrel!”– was I was working with this woman who was divorced from her husband. She was in her seventies and their two adult kids in their fifties were in my office. They might as well have all been, you know, 16, 15, and, and completely married. So some things never die. And then you put a pandemic on top of it. You put business on top of it. You put financial stressors on top of it. Ooh is it a place for war.

[00:07:57] Caterina Rando: Well also, Dr. Beth, there’s all of the past family history on top of it. My sister, who I love very much. Sometimes though there’s been times in my life, she could say one little innocuous thing, but I hear it in a particular way and it can set me off for the day. You know? And everybody else in the room must be like ” what was the big deal?”

[00:08:22] All those family dynamics and the history and every little thing that’s ever happened. And I would also imagine that there are some things that you don’t even remember that have happened in the family unit before you were talking, or when you were super young, that also impacts your family dynamic.

[00:08:45] Dr. Beth: A hundred percent. You know I just spent a year in Tennessee with my parents, taking care of my mom and dad. And if you ever want to know what you haven’t healed, go live with your parents. Go live with your family. Go live with your siblings for a solid year. Just do that. And you’ll…

[00:09:02] Caterina Rando: My friend, not willing to do that.

[00:09:05] Dr. Beth: Well, it was absolutely priceless. And one of the gifts that I received in doing that was my dad was like, “wow, you have a lot of friends. Wow, you’re… you’re something”. You know, your word B-I-G.

[00:09:19] And I took them through my “Own Your Story” tool and he was blown away. Cause he always asked me things like “well, is that like Skinner? Or is that like Freud? Or is that like, you know, this person or that person?” He tries to put me in a box. I’m like, “no, no, not really.” He’s like, “okay. But is it like, but is it like…?” I’m like “Not, not really, it’s kind of mine.”

[00:09:45] So he went through that journey and at the end of it, it was just super meaningful. He said “you know, I always thought of you as the kid that left” when I was 20. And, you know, now I’m back and he’s like “you know stuff, and it’s so weird to reconnect with your child as an adult.” And it’s also nice as an adult to finally get your dad’s approval.

[00:10:13] Caterina Rando: Absolutely. Isn’t it funny, Dr. Beth? We can get all kinds of awards and we can have lots of accomplishments and one little quick saying “I’m proud of you” from mom or dad, in my case my sister too. Oh my God. It means so much. It’s so huge.

[00:10:36] Dr. Beth: Yes. And just for the record, I’m so proud of you Caterina. I know it doesn’t matter at all.

[00:10:42] Caterina Rando: It does, I appreciate it!

[00:10:43] Dr. Beth: And that is, that is true as well. Like therapists can say things, friends can say things, you know, anybody can say things. But when [it’s] your older sister and your parents it’s like you have finally arrived. It is quite amazing.

[00:11:02] Sometimes I’ll have like a TV interview or something, and I’ll try to say something to my parents and they’re like “yeah what? Well, yeah, you done that, you know, what’s the big deal. You’ve done it before.” I’m like “yeah, but this is national. Yeah but this…” “…okay. Yeah. You’ve done that before.” You know, it takes a lot to get the eyes to turn from those people that still see you as three.

[00:11:26] Caterina Rando: It’s true. It’s true. Well, Dr. Beth, I want to say that I’m very proud of you because I remember the first day we met. You came to the summit. You wanted so many things and you were like, “can you help me make it happen? Can you help me make it happen?” I said yes.

[00:11:46] And then when we started working together, the part that I loved the most… of course, you’ve had so much success. And that’s who you are. I mean you wrote books and published songs and you did all kinds of things before we met.

[00:12:01] What really impacted me was when we started to talk about you being out as a gay woman in your business and being loud and proud about that because you were very concerned if some parents would not want to work with you.

[00:12:19] Dr. Beth: Yes.

[00:12:20] Caterina Rando: And how’s that gone for you?

[00:12:22] Dr. Beth: I’ve decided to go straight and… just kidding, just kidding.

…I felt like I’d come home when I met you and your community and felt like I could really show up as all of me. You know, my business self, my clinical self, my gay self, my crazy, crazy, crazy self… – Dr. Beth

[00:12:30] Oh my God, Caterina, it meant the world to me. I mean like just tears, heartfelt tears. It was so gratifying and I felt like I’d come home when I met you and your community and felt like I could really show up as all of me. You know, my business self, my clinical self, my gay self, my crazy, crazy, crazy self, and all that you’ve put up with me and my video days with you stepping on tables and wearing my scuba diving equipment and all the crazy that you put up with Caterina.

[00:13:11] My partner at the time, it was really a challenging relationship. And you even stepped into that place of seeing her greatness and helping her find her space. So she wasn’t hiding in my spotlight… or my shadow. Whichever.

[00:13:30] Caterina Rando: And don’t forget what we did in Hawaii too.

[00:13:32] Dr. Beth: And then you gave us this phenomenal marriage celebration and oh, it was so priceless. Talk about walking your talk, Caterina. You know, taking what we were doing on the retreat and then making all of us feel special and utilizing that moment. I will never forget what you and Gary did for that event. It was a priceless day, just precious.

[00:13:58] Caterina Rando: Thank you. It was a very beautiful day. It was a very impactful day. You know, I’m gonna make a super tip here on top of this exciting memory that we’re talking about.

[00:14:10] Dr. Beth: Yeah, do it! I know what it’s gonna be… go!

[00:14:13] Caterina Rando: One of the things that is always really impactful for transformation when you’re working with people and for retreats is when you can give them an experience that they wouldn’t have on their own. You and your partner inviting everyone who was there to come to your wedding on the beach in Maui.

[00:14:35] Dr. Beth: And you officiated.

[00:14:36] Caterina Rando: And I officiated. And everyone being inspired by the love. And then of course we have that beautiful sunset reception. All of those experiences that people wouldn’t get to do on their own. You know, they might go to Maui, but they don’t get invited to a beautiful wedding on the beach. That is very impactful for your retreats too.

[00:14:59] I mean it wasn’t a strategic move, but on the other side, looking at it, it was very impactful. That’s why when you’ve been with me, Dr. Beth, when we’ve done grape stomping and playing bocce ball and cruises. When we went and we had a tour of the bridge with the captain. Like these special experiences that you don’t normally get, those are very impactful for your clients, for their experience, their value, and their transformation in your groups and your retreats.

[00:15:31] Dr. Beth: I’m going to agree with all that Caterina and just your beingness, your love, your acceptance, your always being of service, and your love for all of us is, you know it’s just priceless.

[00:15:55] Caterina Rando: Thank you. It is my biggest joy of life to see you and other ladies embracing who they are. You know, now you’re not shy anymore about letting the world know that you’re gay, you’re loud and proud about it. And guess what? Everybody loves you just as much, you know? And I know that today is different than when that was, cause Dr. Beth I think that was like eight years ago, which is going back a ways.

[00:16:24] Dr. Beth: Right. And where I was, Caterina, the day I came in to that room with you, I mean my tongue was hanging out. I was ready to quit. I had been going and going and going and going and going, and I couldn’t figure out how I could have this level of gifts and know what I know and love the way I love and “what the heck!”

[00:16:50] I’ve since learned a lot of it is divine timing. And a lot of it is you just got to go through what you’ve got to go through in order to get to the other side. And now I’m so grateful for all those bumps.

[00:17:05] Like I think 20 years ago I had a woman say, “pay me…” uh, I think it was “…$20,000 and sign half of your paycheck for the rest of your life. And I’ll get you on Oprah.” She had one spot. And thank God I didn’t take it. So…

[00:17:22] Caterina Rando: Because?

[00:17:23] Dr. Beth: I wasn’t ready. And she wasn’t worth getting the rest of my income. I didn’t want to be tied to somebody much less 5%, much less half.

[00:17:36] Caterina Rando: Right. That was a good move, Dr. Beth.

[00:17:38] Dr. Beth: Yes, it was.

[00:17:40] Caterina Rando: Now, Dr. Beth, let’s hang out here. Okay? Because what you said was, you know, when we met, you were about ready to hang it up. And I remember being in that place. “I have massive value. I have massive value. I have massive value. How come nobody wants to pay me for my massive value?” I remember one day being in that place, Dr. Beth, too. Okay?

[00:18:04] Now, today, I just keep reminding myself I have massive value and that’s enough. The other part is gone because fortunately, these days I’m massively monetizing. Of course, that’s relative. There’s always five more levels of massive monetization.

[00:18:20] Dr. Beth: Yeah, what’s massive monetization to most, then you, and…

[00:18:24] Caterina Rando: Right. That might be pennies to somebody else, but to me it’s massive monetization. And I see the next level.

[00:18:32] Dr. Beth: I was meaning in reverse, but I’ll go with the pennies.

[00:18:36] Caterina Rando: Okay. Well, here’s what I want to say. The women that are listening to this podcast, that hang out in our community, are high-achieving women. And many of them I’m sure have had that experience. “I’ve got all this massive value, how come I’m not, you know, massively monetizing?”

[00:18:51] What are a couple or three of your recommendations for gals who have been where we have been, what we’ve just discussed, that are there today. Especially in our pandemic lifestyle, perhaps there’s gals that have never been there before that are there now. What are your thoughts?

[00:19:09] Dr. Beth: I have found that, you know, we go around this bend a couple of times and I have the massive monetization award in your community –woo woo!– and then all of a sudden everything stopped. And I was at another place where I had a dark night of the soul. And you’d say, “go make a hundred calls” and I’d go make a hundred calls and nothing happened. And other times I’d made those hundred calls and I was massive monetizer of the world… just kidding.

[00:19:40] So, you know, I don’t think it’s a straight line. In my vernacular, I talk about the super seven-year-old, which is like the logical, the rational, the perfectionistic, the workaholic, the good girl, the doing it right, looking for “the” answer. And I think that’s what I was doing with you. I was looking for all of that.

[00:20:01] Like give me the systems, give me the structure. And you gave me all of that. And it worked until my spiritual awakening was for that not to work a hundred percent.

[00:20:12] So I went around again to “I have to be okay fat. I’ve got to be okay broke. I’ve got to be okay in debt. I’ve got to be okay single.” And love myself in all of those spaces. That was 2018. And it was like my dark night of the soul. And I remember one Sunday, I was like, “okay, God, I’ve already arrived. I’ve already made master monetizer of the month.” And I’m like, you know, “I’ve already touched a bunch of lives. So, you know, if this isn’t fun, I quit.” Like I can give and give and give and give and give and give. But if it’s not a win-win-win, it’s no damn deal.

[00:20:53] So I started doing a whole bunch of inner work with myself, where I asked my little three-year-old, my inner youngest, most vulnerable, raw self. I said, “what do you need to play full out?” And she had a whole list. And then I asked my logical rational brain, “what do you need to play full out?” And she had an even longer list.

[00:21:13] And then I asked my inner teenager, my famous inner teenager. And she said, “well, I think you’re all just playing a bunch of blowing smoke right now by writing all these lists, but I’ll play with ya. Here’s my list.” And so then she came up with a list.

[00:21:29] So for the last few years I’ve been ticking everything off this list. And through the pandemic, it has been a level of letting go, being okay with what is, getting all the structures in place. So I think it’s a total combination of getting ready from the inside out. And the outside in. And having a support team like you, like other friends, like other coaches, that hold you in your greatness when you forget.

[00:22:02] Caterina Rando: I love that. Dr. Beth, I love that. I want to shine the spotlight on a couple things that you said. One is, I love this idea of the inquiry question. Asking yourself, “what do I need?” And it could be, what do I need to play full out? What do I need to be okay? What do I need to get out of bed? You know, it could be any inquiry question that you ask yourself and you look at over and over.

[00:22:29] Dr. Beth: And actually listen to yourself.

[00:22:32] Caterina Rando: Right. And that’s very powerful. The questions we ask ourselves are very important.

[00:22:37] The other thing I want to say is that whatever is right now, let’s be okay with what is. Like you said, like “I’m single.” I’m single too. And I say this to myself. I say “Caterina, you’re single.” And there’s a lot of benefits and wonderful rewards of being single. And my point is to choose what is. Right? If we’re not at the weight we want to be, bliss at this weight. If we’re not having the revenue we want, choose that it’s okay right now. We’re going to make the revenue better, but this is okay too.

[00:23:17] Because you know what: it is what it is. So you have a choice. It is what it is. Are you gonna be depresso about what is, or are you gonna say “okay, this is okay, and I can change this too.” And this is very important for business and life, for us to choose what is while we’re working on creating something else and to be okay with it.

Being okay with what is, is the beginning of letting yourself grow into what’s next. – Dr. Beth

[00:23:37] Dr. Beth: Exactly. A hundred percent. A hundred percent. Being okay with what is, is the beginning of letting yourself grow into what’s next. Easier said than done.

[00:23:49] Caterina Rando: Yes, love it. Also very important for us to point out because sometimes people think, like you said, “give me the strategy, give me the system” –and of course we have to learn all that– but none of it matters if we’re not okay with who we are today. Because I can give somebody the best sales strategy or the best speaking strategy, but if they don’t get out of bed or get in action or pick up the phone, it doesn’t matter. It’s not going to happen.

[00:24:18] Dr. Beth: Exactly, exactly. A hundred percent agreement.

[00:24:21] Caterina Rando: Dr. Beth, before we have your final thoughts. I want to have you share with everyone, how can they connect with you? You’ve got so many different ways that you serve. You’ve got so many great resources. You uplift everybody you connect with. How do people connect with you?

[00:24:42] Dr. Beth: The best way to find out what’s the latest and greatest and best is to come to DrBeth.com. And that’s just d-r-b-e-t-h .com. And from there I’ve got free stuff. If you click on my free stuff tab, you can get my mom’s choice award-winning book, Embracing Defiance: Helping Your Child Express Their Unique Voice While Keeping Your Sanity.

[00:25:06] And you can also ask that voice, that Alexa person, to play my songs. If you say Beth Halbert songs… all my songs. I have 19 songs that have been developed and I have tons of free stuff on my YouTube channel. And I’m about to start going wild and crazy on TikTok.

[00:25:27] I’ve gone back and I’ve picked up a lot of my video footage from my video days with you Caterina and Sue Bonzell is helping me cut them into little shorts, and we’re going to create a video reel and create a channel.

[00:25:42] So I’m all about making this world a better place, holding the light, letting people know that we can get through this together. And, it’s what you think about you bring about. As you say, Caterina, “Positivo!”

So I’m all about making this world a better place, holding the light, letting people know that we can get through this together. And, it’s what you think about you bring about. -Dr. Beth

[00:25:56] Caterina Rando: Yes. Let’s hang out in the positivo. And “what you think about you bring about” that is absolutely true. Bing bing bing. Dr. Beth, you have so much value to bring. Any final words before we wrap up with our folks?

[00:26:11] Dr. Beth: Hmm. I’m going to say this. If it’s not fun, it doesn’t get done. And I’ve had a lot of logical, rational -I call them super super super-duper seven-year-old in my vernacular -tell me that that’s not possible. Sometimes you just have to do what you got to do. And I will tell you, I am living proof, even through a pandemic, that it is possible to follow your inner guidance, follow your inner joy. And from that place, do what you love. And that’s also one of the free giveaways in my freebies on the website.

[00:26:50] Caterina Rando: Dr. Beth, I love that because your business is supposed to be your bliss. And if you only do things you don’t like, your business is not going to be your bliss. This is why I want everybody to get support in their business.

[00:27:04] Dr. Beth: Yes.

[00:27:05] Caterina Rando: Then they can do the bliss part and they can get support with the rest.

[00:27:08] Dr. Beth: And your inner teen will shoot you in the foot unconsciously if you don’t listen to all parts of yourself, you will unconsciously shoot yourself in the foot. If you keep running into wall after wall after wall, instead of seeing it as a broken thing, ask yourself a different question. What is perfect about not shining yet? What is perfect about not being on Oprah yet? What is perfect about being exactly who you are, where you are right now? And I’ve always found the answer. If I look long enough and hard enough, I find the answer.

[00:27:45] Caterina Rando: I love that. And I like to say perfection is not required. Anyway. Let’s find how we can do our thing and not worry about perfection, either. And Dr. Beth, wherever you are, everyone is having a good time. I hope to have you again, join us for another retreat cause you always brings so much fun to it.

[00:28:04] Everyone, here’s what I want you to take away from our time together with Dr. Beth. Look for the fun. Do some inquiring with yourself. Get more support. Recognize that if it’s not happening yet, doesn’t mean it’s not gonna happen.

[00:28:21] Dr. Beth: Divine timing.

[00:28:22] Caterina Rando: Divine timing. I don’t believe patience is a virtue when you’re in business, but we have to kind of, you know…

[00:28:29] Dr. Beth: I think you and I balance each other so well, because if you have everything that Caterina teaches, and if you have everything that I teach, between the two of us we’re unstoppable.

[00:28:42] Caterina Rando: We’re unstoppable when we’re together, we’re unstoppable when we’re separate too, Dr. Beth.

[00:28:48] Dr. Beth: Absolutely. Absolutely. I think we’ve rubbed off on each other as well.

[00:28:53] Caterina Rando: Absolutely. That’s what happens.

[00:28:55] Okay my friend, remember: you have massive value to bring. There’s a lifetime supply of people to serve. Go be loud and proud about who you are. Bring your massive value so you can sell more, serve more, and –bing bing bing– uplift more lives.

[00:29:13] Thank you, everyone. Be with you again on the next episode of Expand Your Fempire.

We hope you enjoyed this episode of Expand Your Fempire with Caterina Rando.